Mental Health Strategies for High Holidays 2020
by Anat S. Geva and Miriam Ament
We are living in abnormal and unprecedented times, yet the sun rises daily, and soon the high holidays will be upon us. For many, the Jewish Days of Awe provide a moment in time to reflect on the previous year and an opportunity to be grateful for all that we have. It is likely that this year will be different for many. Masked and socially distanced, we will be unable to experience many of the holiday rituals. Without in-person high holiday services and large holiday meals with friends and loved ones, and during a period of uncertainty and racial reckoning, we may feel untethered and off-course.
Given how alone and overwhelmed many are feeling, it is no surprise that depression and anxiety are on the rise. In fact, in response to COVID, there is talk of an upcoming mental health pandemic. If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious or depressed, do not feel ashamed. You are not alone. Mental illness is common, and you should seek help.
But know that feeling hopeless and despondent are not inevitable. There are strategies you can try out to get through this period of time - especially during the normally boisterous and social high holidays. Adopting the plan of action below can help take the edge off of an otherwise unsettling period of time.
1. Adjust your expectations. When we thought this surreal, once-in-a-lifetime COVID disruption was going to be short-lived, we may have clung to familiar routines and maintained our personal and professional expectations. But this way of living is not ending soon, and it is tiring. No matter how few or how many disruptions we may experience at home, we are all carrying extra emotional and cognitive weight on our shoulders - and that will slow us down. So, just accept that this year will not be the same as last year. Though you may end up watching more shows on Netflix than ever before or finishing a record number of novels, instead of anchoring yourself to past goals and expectations, accept that this is the new normal. In-person Rosh Hashanah dinner with family might not be happening, but apples dipped in honey will still taste sweet. Develop for yourself a new set of priorities, think about new ways to measure success, and honor the new pace of life.
2. Develop an attitude of appreciation. Try not to focus on what you do not have this year. Instead, focus on what you do have. Ask yourself, what can you be grateful for that previously went unnoticed. Perhaps you now have the time to be aware of how helpful your neighbor is or how your childhood friend still makes you laugh. Make sure you end every day by listing 3 things you are grateful for, and be sure to acknowledge and give yourself credit for things you have accomplished. Getting out of bed and walking around the block counts! Pay close attention to the holiday blessings; there is actually lots to be thankful for. These are challenging times, so it is important to highlight for yourself the successes; this will leave you feeling more satisfied and hopeful.
3. Create new opportunities. Our inability to celebrate the high holidays in person this year opens the door for creating new customs and rituals. History is replete with stories in which the Jewish people found ways to evolve and thrive, even after tragedy and destruction. Likewise, we need to embrace the opportunity to rebound and personally grow from the current COVID-related challenges. Maybe this year, because you cannot host a meal at home, you and your friends each cook a dish for a Rosh Hashanah dinner and then you jointly donate it as a meal to a shelter. Or, because you have no guests to host at your dining room table, you find time to participate in a synagogue-curated Torah learning series. Do not wallow in the losses; it is better to create a new way of celebrating.
4. Connect with your tribe. We may be socially distant, but we have an inherent need for human connection. Find ways to connect with others who buoy your spirit and provide you with emotional sustenance. We cannot meet in person, but online gatherings or even old-fashioned phone calls serve as a great way to expand your world and remind you that you are not alone. Zoom into high holiday services or call friends and family to wish them a Shanah Tovah. Even if you have trouble motivating yourself, you will be surprised how much more fulfilled you will be once you take action and reach out to a friend - old or new.
5. Get physical. Be aware of the way in which your mind, body, and spirit are connected. And then, stop thinking and get moving. Express yourself through dance, a run along the lake, or playing a (socially distant) sport. Tennis, anyone? Find an organization or synagogue offering an online mindfulness yoga experience. Let your body and its movement help you get out of your head. The impact on your emotional and physical health will be positive and long lasting.
6. Give your time to others. Volunteering is a great way to make your community a better place. Even helping with the smallest tasks makes a real difference. Assemble small Rosh Hashanah care packages, send cards, offer to pick up holiday meal groceries, or prepare baked goods to spread some cheer. And, as an added bonus, dedicating your time as a volunteer has been shown to be good for your mental and physical health. Moreover, it is a terrific way to expand your network and meet other people in your community.
7. Stay spiritually connected. Consciously acknowledge your intent to be curious and quiet your mind using meditation or prayer. Stop thinking about the stressors of the here and now, and instead, take the opportunity to experience the divine and open yourself to study and experience the high holiday theme of renewal. Do this by Zooming into synagogue services (live or pre-recorded) or participate in a virtual meditation and self-reflection class. These days, you have lots of options to choose from.
8. Feed yourself and feed your soul. You know what they say, sometimes food is the best medicine of all. After all, nutrition plays a large role in wellness. And, it turns out, the act of cooking or baking can be a therapeutic experience in and of itself. It is goal oriented, personally rewarding, and provides a sense of accomplishment; it is a natural way to achieve a positive mental health state. Best of all, when you are done, you have something delicious to eat. So, continue with high holiday traditions by making familiar family favorite dishes and desserts, such as challah, noodle kugel, and apple cake. And then engage with your wider family and friends by posting photos of the holiday table before the meal in your family text groups and/or on social media.
9. Give yourself a break. Let’s face it, these are challenging times. Everything is harder, and it seems like lots has changed. Some of us may have difficulty feeling engaged or wanting to particip ate as fully as we typically would during these holidays. Under the circumstances, such sentiments are understandable. Do not hold yourself up to the same standards as you did pre-COVID. Instead, practice self compassion. That means: be sure to acknowledge and recognize your feelings, whether you are sad, anxious, or lonely; and be less self-critical. Everyone around you has had to adapt their expectations and has periods during which they struggle. It is okay to feel the struggle, but know you are not alone.
10. Engage in the positive. Find ways to engage in activities that you associate with enjoyment and gratification. These are things you find fun and rewarding. Take zoom breaks, sit in the sun, listen to a song that helps you recall a happy memory, make a holiday meal for your elderly neighbor, participate enthusiastically in holiday services. Adult coloring books might be the perfect thing for you; they quiet the mind and may help you reclaim the carefree attitude of childhood. Be sure to mix it up! Identify activities that are consistent with the life you want to live, and no matter what you choose to do, be sure to focus your awareness on the positive feelings evoked by your activity. This will boost your mood and bring you joy throughout the day.
Dr. Anat S. Geva is the Director of Strategic Initiatives of No Shame On U. Miriam Ament is the Founder and Executive Director of No Shame On U.