From every challenge, what can we learn? This has been a motto or mantra I have used my entire life…
Let me begin by telling you a bit of myself. I am Wendy. I live in the beautiful metropolis of Skokie, Illinois. I am a wife, a mom of two wonderful daughters ages 9 and 12, and have two loveable dogs. I’ve had a robust, fulfilling career working in the nonprofit world.
When I was 24 years old, I was in a challenging job. My role and job description changed several times in a short few months. I became so anxious that I could not sleep, eat, and experienced my first panic attack. I felt like my body was on fire. My face and chest were hot and burning for what seemed like days on end. I sometimes remember feeling like I was not even inside my own body. Why was this happening to me? Why did I feel so sick? At the time, I did not have the perspective that I would get better, and I felt as if I was destined to move back home to live with my mom in Pittsburgh. I had visions of working at the video store on her corner for the rest of my life and living in her dark, damp basement alone. I left the job where the panic attacks started. I felt even more anxious about what I would do next. How would I pay the bills? When would I ever be able to have fun again? I remember going to one therapist who had me fill out a form to determine how anxious and depressed I was. There was a scale, and I checked off feeling the worst for all the questions, except for the last question. It asked, do you feel like killing yourself? I checked no…. but in the notes, I wrote. “I could not do that to my mom, but if she was not here, it might be something to consider.” I thought that I was broken, and this was the new me for life. I soon found a therapist that I connected with, and after trying one medication that gave me strange side effects, I was prescribed something else, and within two weeks, I felt like the cloud was lifting. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
I found joy again. In a few short months, I found a new job and thrived. From every challenge, what can we learn? I learned life is like riding a wave. There are ups and downs. But being down does not mean it will last forever, just like the waves in the ocean. I learned how to own my anxiety. I shifted my mental model to appreciate that my anxiety is a tool that allows my body to tell me when something is not right or pushes me to be the best I can be.
My anxiety reared its ugly head a few more times in my life. I remember having my next panic attack when I was 26 and my twin sister Dana got engaged. In my head, I thought all of a sudden,” I’m not ready to get married! Does this mean I need to get married!?” I called my boyfriend over and broke up with him in a panic. He said he understood and did not want to get married right now either. We got back together two hours later. I married that wonderful man two years later, and we have been together for 21 years! From every challenge, what can we learn? I’ve learned I can be on my timeline and be my authentic self. Also, talking things out always helps me.
A few years ago, after 18 years of a fantastic career at JCC Chicago, I had the incredible opportunity to work for a museum. I put in 120%. I was hired for my soft skills. I wanted to learn everything I could. I would stay up late and work every weekend, reading textbooks articles and watching documentaries. I was going to do whatever it took to be a success. Just under a year after my start, the world was hit with Covid -19. At first, my family embraced the shutdown. It would only be temporary, after all. The shutdown was G-d’s way of telling us we all need to slow down a little. It would be like an extended snow day, I thought! Well, one year later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I found myself one night in bed talking to my husband Mitch or rather crying hysterically to Mitch, saying, “Something has to give.” I felt like I was failing as a professional, mother, and wife. My kids had been homeschooled for the entire year. My one daughter needed constant support with tech issues, snacks, and motivation. My other daughter, who always had an anxious side, was in a full-blown mental health crisis, and I felt like I could do nothing to help. I felt as if my life was falling apart. I could not continue. My body would not allow me to continue. My anxiety would not allow me to continue. Two days later, I put in my resignation. I was leaving the museum to focus on my family. I felt like a failure and felt alone, but I was not alone. An article came out that exact same week from the New York Times. According to the report, 69% is the number of mothers who said they’ve experienced adverse health effects to worry and stress during the pandemic compared to 51% of fathers. Both numbers are shocking but are reality.
From every challenge, what can we learn? I learned that my family always comes first. I learned that it is ok not to be ok. I learned that I have an incredible network of family and friends who rooted me on and lifted me. I learned that having an attitude of gratitude made me feel good. I learned that work does not fully define me. I learned how to meditate and take time for myself. I learned that a three-week summer road trip, including visits with family and camping in national parks, filled my soul. I learned that I could come back stronger. I learned that human beings are resilient, but it is not always easy. I learned that when one door closes, another door opens.
After my “sabbatical,” I started to network for my next professional adventure. And like manna from heaven, I quickly landed a position with No Shame On U as their Director of Programming. I could not be more grateful for this opportunity. No Shame On U is a local nonprofit created in 2014 dedicated to eliminating the stigma associated with mental health conditions and raising awareness in the Jewish community and beyond. Our goal is for people who need help to seek it, for family and friends to know how to provide proper support, and to save lives. No Shame On U was created by an amazing woman named Miriam Ament. Miriam began the organization because she experienced her own mental health journey, including three hospitalizations over 15 years ago. Miriam faced a lot of stigma. The most telling example that she has shared is that during her 2nd hospitalization, one of her closest friends called her and told her not to call her again until she was happy, and then she never heard from that friend again. This was devastating to Miriam and led her to keep her hospitalizations a secret from family and friends who were not in her innermost circle. I want to share some interesting statistics I’ve learned since I have started. 61,500,000 is the approximate number of Americans who experience a mental health disorder in a given year. That is 1 in 4 adults. I also learned that over 80% of people that have symptoms of clinical depression are not receiving any specific treatment for their depression. Studies have shown that one of the key barriers for people not seeking treatment is stigma.
From every challenge, what can we learn? When people have asthma, they should seek help. When people have a disease, they should seek help. When people suffer from mental health challenges, they should seek help. In all of these cases, we turn to experts to guide and help us heal. Those with mental health struggles deserve just as much compassion from others and ourselves as if the disease is a physical one.
I continue taking medication, meditate almost daily, and see a therapist.
From every challenge, what can we learn? Remember, you are not alone.
Our guest blogger is Wendy Singer, Director of Programming for No Shame On U.