Stress and Suncreen: Which Is Easier?
I woke up one morning this week to an email from work that we have a new health plan that can help in various ways. Not only will it offer a credit towards our deductible, but it will also provide helpful tips for living a healthier lifestyle.
The first step to earning the benefits and a place in a potential workshop for improving one’s life is completing a health assessment. I took a while to contemplate the questions, answering them seriously and honestly (yes, I sometimes forget to wear sunscreen; no, I haven’t cut sugary foods from my diet entirely). When the report was compiled, I was surprised to see that my overall score was considered “borderline,” especially since my efforts to curb my emotional eating has led to some weight loss and healthier habits.
I downloaded the report from the website and found the key: an answer highlighted in green was considered correct or good, and an answer highlighted red was incorrect or bad, with some shades of yellow and orange in the middle. Most of the answers for my physical health were closer to the green range, which I was very proud of, but I was shocked to see how many of the answers in the mental health section were red.
The first I noticed is a common question on a depression questionnaire I’ve answered before. Usually, these questionnaires ask questions like “How often have you felt down or hopeless in [time period]?” and there is some sort of scale to indicate the degree of severity. On this survey, it asked me to indicate if I have felt any symptoms of depression “at times,” and there was one that applied to me during the pandemic: I have felt down and hopeless at times. Specifically, I’ve occasionally felt hopeless about life going back to normal as my state spirals out of control, and down about things I’ve missed out on.
This answer merited a pure red highlight even though it’s far from the actual depression symptoms I experienced years ago, and is probably normal for many people right now. My answer was marked wrong, and the correct answer of “none of the above” was written underneath.
The next question covered sources of stress, and asked me to indicate which factors in my life have stressed me out recently. Out of a list of half a dozen, I selected only one, but the system again marked that pure red - incorrect. Once again, I was supposed to pick “none of the above,” indicating that I am not supposed to be stressed by anything at all. I was proud to be able to eliminate all of the factors but one, but apparently, that’s not good enough.
The following questions continued in the same vein: for example, the correct answer for the frequency of stress is supposed to be “rarely, if ever.” And worst of all, I was penalized for indicating that “I find it difficult to stop thinking about my problems.”
The fact that that answer was in red enraged me. I spend so much time and effort fighting back against negative thoughts and ANTs, trying to force myself out of my comfort zone, and moving on from things that have traumatized me in fundamental ways. I know that I’m not “normal” for being affected by obsessive thoughts, but I work with doctors and medication to live the best life I can with my diagnosis.
My life is not “wrong,” even if the survey indicates that I have a lot of room to grow. But this survey can’t see where I’ve come from, and where I might have been if I wasn’t so determined to fight against my head from the time I was little and my young nerdy self saw my OCD as a dragon to slay. I’ve never given up, even through many hardships, and to see the red splashed across the section seemed like a slap in the face of my efforts.
I don’t see why the fact that I sometimes experience stress should be the same as the fact that I sometimes forget sunscreen. One is within my control, and the other is not. I can control how I manage my stress, but living with my thoughts coming into my head is not optional. My medicine helps me, but especially at a time like this - and honestly, even when there’s not a global pandemic - it’s not fair to expect me (or anyone) to be able to live a completely stress-free life.
Although mental health is part of medicine, I can’t help but feel that the objectivity of medicine is misplaced here. The numbers of what blood pressure or cholesterol are “supposed to be” does not equate to mental health. Yes, it would be ideal for someone to have no stress, but that’s a completely unachievable goal, especially now. The assessment reminded me of why some of my friends think health is unachievable - the goals are too unrealistic.
I hope that as organizations like No Shame On U do more to move the country away from mental health stigma, surveys will be more accepting of individuals no matter where they are. I hope that there will be more gray areas in terms of what’s “right,” and for the people who indicate “wrong” answers, I hope for more support than advice to get more sleep and exercise. Especially after the pandemic, when many people I know are confronting thoughts and fears they’ve never experienced before, I hope there will be more room for conversations to expand this gray space and find a better way to assess mental health.
Ellie, a writer new to the Chicago area, was diagnosed with OCD at age 3. She hopes to educate others about her condition and end the stigma against mental illness.