IT'S FINE

It’s Fine

I’ve been trying all week to think of something to write about for this week’s blog entry.

I don’t usually have problems coming up with things to say - I’m often very chatty with people in real life, including about mental health problems. But this week has just been a little too much to think outside the box.

I’ve helped my Nana move into a new apartment, and thoughts of her getting sick with coronavirus thanks to her exposure to the movers, technicians, and various people in her apartment complex have run rampant through my head. It only makes it worse that there’s no way to tell for two weeks, and that every step of the process was riddled with complications and trouble.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of people saying that they’re feeling a similar way. Between the ongoing pandemic and protests across the country, many people’s resting anxiety level has been higher than usual. Adding the complications of the move on top of that - plus various shenanigans at work - has made my week particularly hard.

It’s easy to feel bad about getting stressed about little things during times like these, or to wonder why it’s harder to muster inspiration for writing or other types of projects. It’s easy to feel like I should be able to handle each individual thing with a smile, no matter what else is going on.

But for me, an increase in my resting anxiety level means that I’m more likely to fall for my own ANTs; intrusive thoughts are likelier to enter my head in the first place; and my friends who are usually around as a support system are often facing their own problems if my major stressors are more environmental than personal.

I’ve had some success with forming a routine at home, but the uncertainty of the world right now is making it harder to do the things I usually do. As someone ambitious who considers giving in to my mental illness even a little bit as a failure, it’s been hard for me to accept that I need to be kind to myself when things aren’t normal.

“It’s fine to not be fine” is advice I’ve gotten before, and although I’ve ignored it in the past, I’m trying to work with it now. There are so many things going on in the world that we don’t have control over, and everyone has different ways of coping. Our normal coping mechanisms might not work as well at this time, and that’s fine too. At a time like this, it’s a good idea to shift goals from being “perfectly normal” to feeling as good as possible during stressful situations.

With everything going on, emotions - especially stress - will run high. That’s fine. It’s also fine to feel overwhelmed, scared, and unsure about both personal and global futures. With a little self-kindness and acceptance, we can get through times like these and make positive change in ourselves and the world.

Ellie, a writer new to the Chicago area, was diagnosed with OCD at age 3. She hopes to educate others about her condition and end the stigma against mental illness.