The Deepest Appreciation
This week, I’ve had the privilege to dive into one of my favorite movies in an obsessive way - but instead of the negative, cyclical way that brings me down, my dedication to this movie has made me feel amazing.
Every night after my parents go to bed, I take my laptop into the room with the family computer and set myself up: laptop on my lap as I sit in Dad’s office chair, one foot on the ground, the other on the keyboard of the family computer. I start playing “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” and about two seconds later, I tap the space bar with my big toe, turn to my laptop, and write down everything I’ve seen and heard.
When I started last week, it took me an hour to get through eight minutes. Now, I can do over ten minutes in an hour, as I’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm after 94 pages of writing. I am writing this project for a movie script project many of my friends are involved in, but it’s also giving me a chance to examine a movie I love frame by frame and draw smiles out of tiny moments I may not have noticed before.
I’ve gotten some reactions of confusion, especially since there are some partially-completed scripts online, but none of the extended edition (what can I say, I’m a purist), and I found errors in the ones I located online. I also couldn’t find one that included background information like scenery, what the characters looked like, or what actions they were taking during the complex battle scenes.
Even though some people are confused, I love doing a deep dive like this. I love taking a movie that many people I know consider inferior to the three “Lord of the Rings” movies and giving it time to shine, finding the humor and the little moments that made me feel like I was in Middle-Earth with my favorite characters. I still remember crying my way through the White Council scene the first time I saw it, and feeling that same way last night as I stayed up extra-late to not miss a moment.
I’ve never dived so deep into a positive obsession before, and while some people question my patience to pause a movie every couple of seconds and write everything, I am truly enjoying it. If there’s a way to embrace the way my head works without hurting anyone including myself, I see it as pure positivity. It’s far better to be thinking about this than COVID or the things I’m missing that I can’t do.
Watching the movie in such detail has made me think about the Tolkien universe cosplays I’ve done. They reminded me of how amazing I felt walking through crowded halls to meet movie stars (including Dean O’Gorman and Graham McTavish, both of whom are in this exact movie) and dancing at the elf party until I’m too exhausted to move.
The best part is, I’ve found people who I can share these memories with, about both the movie and the conventions I hope to attend again one day. I am at the point where I can share a steady stream of memes, jokes, silly lines, and observations as I watch “An Unexpected Journey,” and I know who to send it to who won’t get bothered, overwhelmed, or annoyed. Even though I’m sitting alone in the room when I watch, I feel like I’m part of a community of people who know that I’m thinking obsessively about something, but are encouraging and kind instead of judgmental.
I never considered doing a project like this before, but watching a movie I love in such little bits and pieces instead of watching it all in one setting has inspired me to look deeper at some of the other things I’m passionate about. It can sometimes feel boring to be stuck at home during the pandemic, and when I’m bored, my thoughts tend to wander, sometimes in unsavory directions. But if I’m focusing on something like this, something productive and enjoyable and allowing me to bond more closely with my friends, I think it’s a wonderful way to spend the waning pandemic time.
Ellie, a writer new to the Chicago area, was diagnosed with OCD at age 3. She hopes to educate others about her condition and end the stigma against mental illness.