With Friends, You Can Climb (And Descend) Mountains
Most of the time, when I make new friends, I try to present myself as someone social, easy to get along with, and uncomplicated - I don’t want the things I struggle with to give a bad first impression.
On my recent trip to New Zealand, I was very conscious of this, but in a different way than usual. I wanted to make the best first impression possible, while not hiding any part of myself at all - which is something I’ve never tried to do before. This translated into wanting to do every possible Lord of the Rings-related experience even if it was something very out of my wheelhouse - including mountain climbing.
I will admit that the climbing I did didn’t require hooks or too much gear, but for me, it was something brand new and exhausting in multiple ways. I could handle being out of breath while walking up the sheer slope of Mt. Sunday, but as I ascended higher and higher, I realized that a combined fear of heights and getting hurt while on blood thinners was going to make the climb down an incredibly difficult obstacle.
I had a walking stick with me, and great company to chat with, but neither of those convinced me that I would be able to descend the mountain after our photoshoot at the set of Edoras. But because I wanted to participate in every Lord of the Rings experience, I continued to climb and pushed the fear to the back of my mind. That was a problem for later.
Problem was, “later” eventually arrived after many photos with wooden swords, flags, and triumphant facial expressions. Before long, it was time to turn around and head down, and all I could picture was slipping on one of the many little rocks on the nonexistent trail and plummeting down, bleeding and breaking bones and missing out on the rest of the trip and having to face my fear of going to the hospital alone and looking like a coward in front of my new friends.
Before long, I was petrified to take even a single step, and feeling increasingly ashamed as people much older than me passed me without a care. I chided myself for making a spectacle of myself and my cowardice, but I still couldn’t convince myself to go down the rocks with no railings, stairs, or anything to help me find my footing.
And that was when a few of my new friends - one person who I knew well, and another who I had barely interacted with - stepped in.
I was embarrassed that people noticed I was struggling, but quickly felt supported in a way I don’t usually experience. People tend to try to make me push past fear with either ribbing or telling me I’m not thinking things through, neither of which actually helps - but these two simply walked by my side, offered a hand at the steeper parts where I needed it, and carried on a gentle conversation to help distract me.
This may have seemed like a simple gesture, and it was certainly low effort, but it meant so much that people were willing to meet me where I was at instead of trying to shame me into something different. It’s like when people try to make fun of me for not eating the way they think I should, but it doesn’t actually make me change, it just makes me feel bad about myself and not want to be honest with people.
On this trip, I had so many opportunities to be honest with people about the good times and the bad, and was accepted equally for both. It may have taken me longer than almost everyone else to make it down the mountain, but the mere presence of people who I knew were on my side and willing to help me made the descent easier than I could have imagined. The steep slopes still scared me, but it was harder to spiral into negative thoughts of fear and falling when I wasn’t alone.
The mountain descent was just one of many moments during my New Zealand trip where I felt like I was accepted exactly as I am - and it reinforced that even though it’s hard to not feel embarrassed or ashamed, it’s so much easier to get through difficult emotions when there are kind, caring people by your side.
Michelle Cohen, a writer in the Chicago area, was diagnosed with OCD at age 3. She hopes to educate others about her condition and end the stigma against mental illness.